Missing - 1 bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1994

Haven't had a wink of sleep all night worrying about The Grand Duchess and whether that scoundel is treating her with the love, care and devotion that she truly deserves. The Gendarmes phoned last night to say she had been spotted whizzing up the Champs élysées and turning quite a few heads in the process by all accounts.

Fortunately for us the present guests, a rather gentle couple from Spain have been truly sympathetic. Considering they had been expecting a trip today with His Lordship down to the local vineyard in The Grand Duchess, a unique and popular service that we offer which makes our establishment a cut above the rest, they could well have felt rather put out themselves by the turn of events here at Le Chateau Lasserre.

It was down to me to gather the troops and up the morale. Hence the picture today of a truly contented guest contemplating a dip in our fabulous 10m x5m salt pool earlier on in the year.

"You are so right" announced His Lordship, "lets put things into perspective and reflect on all the wonderful people that have taken their holidays at Le Chateau this year" "I usually am" I murmured demurely. (Right that is)

Peace reigned.

"Where in GOD'S NAME is my bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild ? His Lordship bellowed.

It seems that not only has The Grand Duchess gone astray but our very special bottle which was waiting patiently for Christmas Day had also disappeared.